Friday, February 17, 2017

The day I poisoned everybody in the office

Taking a nude erection, let's zoom into the offices in which we white collar chumps earn our crusts.
          NO PEOPLE WERE HARMED IN THE CREATION OF THIS POST. YOU WILL NEVER CATCH ME. JUST TRY. THANK YOU.                                     
So here's how I prepared myself to eradicate all workplace competition If I did It (thanks, O.J.)

Right off the bat, I hit a wall of decency. This happens to me a lot. The Google search afterfarts of 'poison everybody in office' are mainly articles of the '7 Signs You're ...' variety. And that kind of stuff you search for when you are bored and dismayed with your enviable lot in life.

However, I did learn that the National Capital Poison Center is nearby. (That's a useful clue is useful to lazy government agents trying to locate me after my little Jonestown. Satire, satire! Jeez, guys ... Wait, now I think about it, that wouldn't be necessary. They'd need to identify the culprit, not find the victims. Satire, plz!)

I ought to note here that one of the National Capital Poison Center's offerings (see poison.org) is this charming jingle, complete with sheet music.

"...two two___ Poison is the kind of thing ... Old prescriptions, cleaning stuff___ or ... you swallowed something bad ..."
Reading this boosted my morale. Someone must know this jingle off by heart, so maybe the fallout wouldn't be too bad. I decided to perform this acapella amidst the projectile vomiting bodies of my fallen comrades, sort of like a cry for help. If a cry for help can come after the fact.

I sense my readers' eyes wandering to the mail order brides ads, so I'll wrap up with some pictures of a poison victim. Here's a nice one:

"Don't be scared. I've done this before. Show me your teeth." - Lady GaGa

Here's an extremely graphic one of two (or possibly three) Poison victims:

"This record broke on it's own." - Scarling.

Good night, sweeties.

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